Saturday, November 06, 2010

HELL now we know...




     *The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona

     chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.  *


     *The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it

     with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the

     pleasure of enjoying it as well: *


     *Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs

     heat)? *


     *Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas

     cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.  *


     *One student, however, wrote the following: *


     *First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need

     to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which

     they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that

     once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are

     leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the

     different religions that exist in the world today.  *


     *Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their

     religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these

     religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can

     project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,

     we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we

     look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states

     that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

     volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.*


     *This gives two possibilities: *


     *1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter

     Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell

     breaks loose. *



     *2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

     Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.



 *So which is it? *


     *If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

     that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into

     account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be

     true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen

     over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it

     follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,

     extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a

     divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my




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