How to train a human: a Guide for House Rabbits
Training your human can be time consuming and requires a lot of patience as obviously they aren't as intelligent as us. But, it needs to be done so the sooner you start the better. For the benefit of house rabbits everywhere, we've put together our list of rules which the humans should follow. You could try putting this on the fridge door or maybe on the TV screen...
1. Don't disturb us when we're sleeping. Never, ever, ever - unless the house is burning down
2. When we want cuddles, we'll come and ask. Just cos we're cute doesn't mean we want to be cuddled 24-7
3. Mealtimes must be strictly adhered to. No excuses
4. Change our litter tray more often than you clean your toilet. Seriously - we're a lot cleaner than you
5. Just open the bag of hay and let us help ourselves. We don't care about the mess and neither should you
6. Jumping on the bed is a much better way of waking you up than an alarm clock. Admit it
7. When we sit and stare at you, we're trying to tell you something. At least make the effort to think what it might be
8. We're addicted to cables and therefore can't be blamed for any accidental damage. Sorry about that
9. The sofa belongs to us just as much as it belongs to you. Try not to sit on us please
10. When we roll on our backs, this is not an invitation to tickle our tummies. Or to start acting like the paparazzi
11. If something's in our way, we're going to nibble it. No if's, but's or why's
12. Like a man's garden shed, our den is sacrosanct so enter at your peril
13. If we bite you, there's a good reason. Try and think what it might be and adjust your behaviour accordingly
14. We might cling to you when you take us to the vets but that's only because you're the lesser of two evils. Don't flatter yourselves
15. Don't eat chocolate and biscuits in our presence. It's like torture, we want it so much
16. We know you're all individuals, have different personalities and like different things. Kindly return the favour
17. If you have to clip our nails or whatever, do it as quickly as possible and then pretend it never happened. The loss of dignity is major
18. When we turn our backs on you, get the message. Talk to the butt cos the face ain't listening
19. Don't call us out of our den unless there's a really, really good reason. Like a visit from the Queen, or food
20. And finally... when we give you our trust, it's for life. It's the best gift you'll ever get and you know it
So, encourage your humans to follow these rules and you shouldn't have too many problems. The slower ones might take a while but a gentle nip keeps them on the right track and reminds them that bunny knows best. Good luck, fellow house rabbits and remember - it's a bunny world, the humans just live in it!
Page last updated: 29 March 2012
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